The invisible pain

Have you ever walked around and looked at the people passing by and wondered what they’re thinking about, what they’re feeling, what their lives are like or what’s going on in their hearts? I do.

When I read the newspaper or watch the news and see the pain that people go through, I’m taken aback to thinking about my life, my family, my experiences. We walk around carrying scars in our hearts and souls and yet all we see in each other are the smiles and laughter we hear. Some people walk around thinking about what they’re going to eat that day or where they’re going to sleep. Some walk around with heavy hearts trapped in places they don’t want to be in but these are the pains we never see.

When you hear about abusive relationships, the first thing we always say is “he/she doesn’t look like the abusive type” or “she doesn’t look like she’s in pain”. It is this invisible pain that has killed so many people in our communities. We have adult men and women carrying this pain from their childhood days but the world doesn’t care. We run around thinking about food, clothes, salaries, jobs, cars, houses and we neglect our little hearts and convince ourselves we’re fine.

In the 31 years that I’ve been on earth, the things I’ve seen, heard, felt are all written within me and none of them are written on the outside, so when you look at me you see what you see or what you’ve heard about me but do not see the real me. I am the image of your thoughts about me and not who I am. Sometimes I wonder if any one person actually knows another fully, do we ever reveal our truest selves to people or do we reserve some of the self so as to always feel secure?

When you’re alone with yourself, it is the only time that you are truly you, that you are not a figment of someone’s imagination, that you are just you. It is at this very moment that I wonder if anyone actually knows me…the me that cannot hide behind anything and it is at this very same moment that I’m convinced that no one can ever know another person fully; we all have secrets whether dark or not.

So here's a question to think about: Do you know me? Or do you know the person you’ve created me to be?...If you knew the real me, would you still be here? This is a question i think about when i look at the people i know.