Thursday, May 04, 2006

Chapter 2: Enter Adulthood

That relationship lasted for a year.

It was an experience I will never forget. The beauty of a woman does not necessarily make her a beautiful person inside and sometimes even though she is beautiful inside…that beauty is concealed by a lot of baggage. I learned the hard way, had my heart broken in the process but emerged a stronger woman and even more determined to find my queen.

There I was walking around feeling sorry for myself and feeling like I had wasted a whole year with the ‘angel’ that fell on my lap, luckily for me I had friends to pull me out of this miserable dungeon I had locked myself in. By this stage I had started drinking and smoking and partying like there’s no tomorrow (I’m very lucky I didn’t ruin my life in the process), drowned my sorrows and got over my ex.

I was still not ready to be in another serious relationship but women are just too beautiful, I couldn’t stay away for too long. I met this sweet, gentle but outspoken woman and we agreed to take it slow…but like I said before, women are just too irresistible. In no time were all over each other and couldn’t keep our hands off. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, is that all relationships come with their own challenges. This one went well for a while and we even moved into my flat together and everything was just groovy, then her ex came into the picture…a scary, obsessive boy who just refused to stay away and in the process made my girl’s life hell.

He stalked her, knew her every move and even had a class timetable so he could find her any day. For month our lives were turned upside down…luckily for me, he thought we were friends and never suspected that we were lovers (only God knows what he would have done to me, had he known). The situation got so bad that one day, just before the year-end exams, he caught up with her while she was walking back from campus and kidnapped her. I was out of my mind with worry, thinking of all the things he’d do to her…especially since he was her ex-boyfriend. A couple of her friends and I went to the police station to report her missing but were told that she’s over 18 and if she’s as afraid of him as we say she is…then even if they went over to his place, she could be afraid to say he kidnapped her…our energies, and pleas fell on deaf ears, we were told to come back after 24 hours if she’s still missing.

I lay awake all night not knowing what to do, images of him touching her haunting my mind…I paced up and down, tried to watch TV but nothing could take away the fear I had inside…I cried until I couldn’t cry no more…the pain and fear turned to anger. ANGER at her for not telling me about her crazy ex, ANGER at him for not even realising my existence, ANGER at the whole world for breeding monsters like him and ANGER at God for making him stronger than me physically…I couldn’t fight for my woman and it hurt. Eventually, in the midst of all those emotions, I fell asleep…

The buzzer went off at around 6am; I jumped up still drowsy and went to answer the door…there she was standing there, her eyes swollen from crying and I didn’t know what to say to her…she came inside and sat down. She started telling me the whole story, from when she met the guy to their break-up and his obsessive behaviour. I was still angry with her for not fighting him off when he took her but now realise how scared she was of him. At the time, I couldn’t understand how someone could take you against your will and how you could not scream, shout, fight or do something until I watched her have nightmares, sleepless nights and fear of going to campus because of him…only then did I realise the power he had over her and I wasn’t sure I could handle it.

Her parents didn’t know of her relationships on campus but the threats came to a point where she had to tell her father (a strict Zulu man). His reaction stunned me because he ordered her to leave tertiary and go back home; it was the worst day of my life because after two years of staying together, she had to leave Durban. This was my last year of tertiary and I was due to go back home to JHB.

We continued our long-distance relationship for two more years until we both realised it wasn’t working and that we had to face facts and move on without each other. In the beginning it was hard…I couldn’t imagine life without her (when I get into a relationship, I give it my all). I met another woman in JHB but it was still hard, we kept in touch and gave each other blessings to go ahead with our lives and meet new people then eventually after some time…I managed to see a life without her and moved on fully.

In life we go through so many life-changing events but we tend to pretend that they never existed or that those things never matter in our lives. For me, every person that I have met, whether it is a friend, a boyfriend or a girlfriend, has left a huge mark in my life. It is because of these experiences and people that I am who I am today…directly or indirectly. I have moved on with my life, yes, and have learned from these lessons.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

hey, i really luv your blog, it really helps to see things from another person's perspective, I'm also Black and lesbian, from Malawi, but funny enough it was in South Africa that I was able to come out completely (guess it had to be away from home)I on th eother hand was at TUKS in Pretoria
I was also brought up a catholic so knowing that the 'moral' dilemas that I went through as a young black once catholic gay woman are shared by others is comforting.... do continue with your blog, it is quite inspiring!

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