Friday, April 01, 2011

A new kind of love

Love and Sex or Love with Sex or Sex then love or Love then Sex...which ever way you look at it, it's one of those discussions that can probably go on forever. Is it possible to mistake sexual attraction for love and how do you know when you've fallen for someone and it's not influenced by the sex. Can love really not be influenced by sex?

You meet a gorgeous woman, you are already attracted to her; that part you know for a fact and you would give anything to get locked up in a room together for a night. Not only does her exterior raise your blood pressure but her brain, smile, walk, the way she looks when she's concentrating on something, how she gracefully touches things around her, her aura, everything that is her - get's you all twisted and turned inside out. You look forward to that day when she'll be close enough for you to feel her breath on your skin.

The day arrives...your hands can feel her skin, your lips taste hers and you can feel her heart beat against yours...you can't believe that you're here, that after such a long time of longing and wanting...you're finally getting...You hold her tight against you,letting all those emotions you've kept inside paint all over her...You feel like Da Vinci dancing on a canvas...You can hear her moaning in your ear...taking in the pleasure...You feel light-headed, like your whole body has elevated from the ground...Your bodies explore each other as if in a dance...Everythinng connects; your breathing, your movement, your eyes lock, your tongues wrestle, you're in heaven.

You were pretty sure that if you got this chance, the insanity of wanting and longing would calm down after your first dance but it seems you have just accelerated the feelings...now all you want is her in your arms - all the time...The feeling of love that you felt has now intensified a thousand more times than it was. You want more of her body but now you want more of her heart too. The question is, did the love intensify because we had sex? or we had sex because the love was already intense? Does it even matter which way around it happened? All i know is i'm falling so deep into the rabbit hole and there's no way out now. Just when i think it's impossible to love her any deeper than i already do; i surprise myself...the thought that i can even fall deeper than this is a scary one because with all that love comes a lot of hurt and pain but is that true?

Does love really have to equal hurt or is there a way of loving that we haven't explored as humans. A way where two people can love each other with respect, honesty and trust beyond what we think we're capable of. A love that is based on communicating even the smallest feeling or thought - whether negative or positive and knowing that your partner will not judge you or think little of you because of your thoughts. A love where I can be a total idiot with my partner but still not feel ashamed. A love that is not judgemental but is filled with growth. Growing together emotionally; growing as individuals but doing this together. This kind of love requires for one to open up totally...to totally surrender all of you to the other without reservation - your deepest thoughts, your darkest and deepest secrets - but can it be done? Can one really open up to that extent?

Let me know if you've found the answers and i will keep you posted on my journey to finding a new kind of love...a journey alone is terrible but i think i might have found some company on this one :-)

3 comments:

Black in China said...

Hey,

This is a young black lesbian from D.C. saying I love your blog. I really hope you keep writing. I was once told that there were no lesbians in Africa and that homosexuality is a white thing. However, after watching a documentary on campus last month and reading your blog I know that's not true.

kindamixedup said...

Wonderful post, dear!
Love then Sex, or Sex then Love... who knows? At some point I think it is not what is the most important thing. I love her; she loves me... And that is all I desired.

Sky said...

Thanks guys :), I know I've been quite for a while but I'll try writing something new atleast twice. So much is happening in the lgbti community in South Africa incliding all the gay prides coming up. Thanks for the support.

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