Monday, March 26, 2007

Life’s mysteries

Ever wondered what life was all about or what the purpose of this rollercoaster is? I do it all the time and as expected, I never find the answer. At times I think that’s exactly the point, for us never to know the answer to this question and to live life to its fullest trying to find answers.

A couple of months back, after the break up with my fiancée. I found myself asking myself this elusive question over and over in my head. I just couldn’t for the life of me figure out how things got so bad between the two of us and why it didn’t hurt the way I had thought it would. I’d remind myself of all those nights I lay there watching her sleeping peacefully next to me and I’d think to myself “I’d die if this relationship never works” or I’d be thinking “I’ll never get into another serious relationship if this one fails” or “I cannot imagine life without her”

Three years of building and crafting a relationship and to just decide it’s not what we want after that long. Everyone thought we were mad or someone had to have done something terrible to the other for this to happen and the truth of the matter is that nothing extreme happened…It just ended, as confusing as that sounds. So the next question in people’s minds becomes, “Did they even love each other at all?” the answer is absolutely, we were crazy about each other and we never even looked beyond life without each other (or atleast I didn’t). Oh I did look and notice other beautiful women and flirt in the process, any living being would do the same…I think but never did I take it to the next level. My cheating were my thoughts…I admit.

But after my long thoughts trying to figure this whole life thing out, I came to a realisation that I’ve grown as a person and a lover. Though it took a gazillion heartbreaks and stressing over losing someone…in the end I’m the lover I’ve always dreamt of being…a true Don-Juan Demarco ;-)

I loved with all my heart in that relationship and so my heart was fulfilled even though it ended, I had to move on. The world had other plans in mind for this lover and I’m content with this. In the end it feels great to understand some aspects of life. Imagine how many people have been hurt or have hurt others in this world…It is one big conundrum that we all belong to. If we were to spend our lives asking questions, crying and hurting but not moving on what lessons would we take from life…nothing. So we hurt and heal and the future looks even brighter than it did when we were dwelling in pain.

I remember when I was still in high school and one of my subjects was history. I used to enjoy my classes, learning about ‘The rise and fall of Hitler’, ‘Stalin’ and ‘The Anglo-Boer War’ just to mention a few. My teacher always said the reason for us to learn about these things was so that we don’t repeat them in the future. I found that to be an interesting point and a funny one at that because everything that we were learning about, was repeated over and over in the future hence the millions of history books.

The Boers did to the Africans (blacks) in South Africa the same thing that Hitler did to the Jews. George Bush is doing to Iraq what his father Bush Senior did in the Gulf War. Africans are doing the same to Gay people all over Africa, killing them and discriminating against us because of our sexual orientation, Christians think they’re better than everyone else. Everyone thinks that they know something more about life than the next person, whereas we all know nothing and it kills us not to understand or have answers for why some things are the way they are in the universe. All that History has taught me is that people do not like what doesn’t look, think, feel, like them or is different in any form or shape. It’s the philosophy of life, period.

Look at what’s happening in Zimbabwe. Robert Mugabe has lost his mind and he’s violating every human right in the book and no one is saying anything, instead we see him everyday on the news visiting other countries and shaking the hands of the so-called powerful people. Why is everyone silent?! Why is the world silent?! He walks around in his expensive suits, waving at the crowds that clearly bow down to him, they look so poor and so hungry but yet come next elections, they will put him back on that high pedestal.

Hitler had so much power in Germany; he turned the country into his own personal blood bath and no one said anything. He spoke of a perfect race of blonde and blue eyed people, he ordered his officers to kill black haired and brown eyed people but HE HAD BLACK HAIR AND BROWN EYES! Are you telling me no one could see that?

There’s a saying that says “The struggle never ends, it just changes form” and this is and will always be the way of the world and this thing we call life.

4 comments:

Freshair said...

Well written indeed.
I'm very much against abuse against homosexual. God loves us all, irrespective of our shorfalls. So, whether you are gay or straight, we are all chuldren of the same Father.
I must however say that it is not in God's will for His people to be sexually involved with the people of the same sex (even anatomocically this is a challenge). God is not a God of confusion.
I have been strongly drawn to women all my life but I have not yielded because I know it's not in God's will for my life.
So sister, I love you and the God of love and mercy loves you.

Freshair said...

Very well written Mpumi.

Please note that this is not an attack on gay people, but let me say this...God never meant for people of the same sex to be together. Does this mean He doesn't love them?...No. Does this mean they have to be attacked, raped and killed?...absolutely not. God knows that attraction to the same sex people is not something you have control over... it is the work of the enemy. The devil wants to make sure that God's kingdom never expands and what better way to do this thatto attack the very core structure, the family.
I have been attracted to people of the same sex all my life. I have not yielded to this because I know it's not God's will for my life.
May I conclude by saying that God loves you dearly and is at hand to help you deal with any situation you are faced with. You just have to trust Him.
Freshair

nobody said...

ok.............Freshair, its kind enuff to want to share your religious views with others and try and help them if thats the way u see things, but that doesnt however mean u should impose this on others and pronounce their nature to be sin, i think you'll find that according to your beliefs 'God' reserves the right to judge, not humans........
Back to what you wrote Mpumi, i find your train of thought very interesting as I'm an avid hitory fan myself, I thought I could help clarify one point on the whole Hitler affair. I think the reason he was able to gain so much power and influence over so many was due in part to the fact that though he was striving for an Aryan Germany and ultimately an Aryan dominated world, he would point out that he himself was not a good 'specimen' of human and therefore not worthy to reproduce children precisely because he was a short brunette.
still doesn't make sense, but Hitler was not just an opportunist, he played the Germans well and even had other world leaders backing him, til 1938.......scary isn't it?

Anonymous said...

i applaud 2Mpumi 4standind 4wat she belvs in and yea m alesbn i love my life n evrtn in evn thou m stil strugling 2tel ma parents abt ma sexual orientation...but 2MPUMI RESPECT..

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